Stone CC vs Gore 3rds 24.6.17

As Bill the writer said in his latest box set about wars with the French

“And gentlemen in England, now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.”

Wombwell park replaces Agincourt, and Gore 3rds replace the French, but all the rest is the same.

We arrived to battle with an army of 10. We were 14 on Wednesday but plague and pox upon us (Jack lost to Football – NOB. Quacker lost to college – Creep. Semtex having babies – reasonable excuse.) We recall Dartsy and are 10 again after other drop outs!

First set back. The mighty Pussy has decided to move his bathroom into his kitchen and the consequent ceiling collapse left him unavailable.


The confident opposition arrive.

No sign or message from Cameron Miller. (He has since been in touch and has apologised)

8. Bugger. We are not afraid.

The oppo apologise as they don’t have a scorebook, (it’s on the way) so shall we start with ours? No. I left it at home and, while it is good to have the book for match report, it is fairly thick to leave it behind on match day. (Early shout for SB) 

We organise to bowl first with kind agreement of their skipper who lent us 2 fielders for the entire innings so at least we had 10 in the field.

Dartsy, all grace and style stands in the middle of the park with his whites on inside out! Changes in full view. (Another early shout for SB)

A timed game.

Finally we start with Tom and Darren opening the bowling. It is clear quite early that they have a good batting team so we were chuffed to have them 38 for 2 with Darren taking both. One bowled and one sharp catch buy our rearguard Stumpy. Tom bowled as well as I have seen him without any luck. Walkling and Dine took over and kept them fairly quiet. Walkie Talkie finished with 1/17 from 5 overs and Dine 0/38 from 7 which did no justice. So many balls landing in spaces. Fielding with 8 is harder than it looks! 102/3 and all seems well. We were wrong. The French army started to tramp all over us with their skipper scoring 100 and his partner 72 in rapid time. Plumb LBWs apparently don’t count if you are on 99! They were simply too good for us and whilst we didn’t bowl badly they eased to 258. Being one short made a real difference especially as the fielders they lent to us were not exactly on their top form! Only 2 drops in the field. Double 0 Dino at point, a fairly easy one but he redeemed it a bit later with a catch in the same place and could relinquish the catching hat. Stumpy claimed it later with a drop off the pace of Dartsy. The great thing was that despite the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune (well for them at least) we all stuck at it. Very few errors and a lot of good work. Our Captain came on at the very end, to save giving any one else a pummeling, and sneaked a wicket. I feel he will be back!

Tea. Provided by Sumpy who had to announce that the made it in the nude. Cue many tasteless creamy mayonnaise jokes. Semtex dropped in for a while with his kit. (4 cans of beer) Thanks Tom.

We re-group in the dressing room and plan our attack. Darren full of joire de vivre,  or was it just some vol au vent, announces to all that we can smash these runs. We will get these. Exciting. Dashing. Inspiring. Out for 1. Bowmen Stumpy and Darts carry the attack, or form the rearguard action for some time past the first hour but the board was ticking. Stumpy out caught slicing one from an aggressive shot for 30. He played some good drives and showed once again he can bat at different speeds apart from slow and stop. Dartsy next to follow. LBW for 31. He was rather aggrieved to say the least. Bags kicked. Son shouted at, who was the umpire, and lots of French type expressions that not even Rachel would use. Dine came and went. Walking when they did not even appeal. Clearly a man of great integrity and honesty but works in the civil service. How does that go together? Buttler next, who we later found out was not aware of the rules of a timed came and swung at all three balls he faced and was stumped. Tom and Skip to bat with Walkling in the shed armed and ready to save the day. 9 overs to go and 6 down with only 8 wickets to play. Can we survive? Can we repel the French hoards? We can. Tom and Skip showed great fortitude and patience and saw them off without any scares. We finish on 115/6. Not exciting unless you were batting but an inspiring draw.


Good crowd with a fair amount of the oppo along too. Dartsy still banging on about his LBW. Semtex joins us. (Naturally) Michelle regales us with tales of her youth and a penchant for Goths. Rachel brings up the standards and keeps her old man in place. 

The voting for SB was varied. Nominees were Dartsy, for not being able to dress, Skip not bringing the score book,Stumpy’s gleeful announcement about making the tea in the nude, Miller for not turning up! All pail into insignificance to the winner. Darren is SB of the week. Leaving after batting and not coming to the pub and scoring 1 after that speech! (We have since been informed by Darren that there were extenuating personal circumstances which meant he had to dash off, but the die was cast and the vote was made)

Thank you to all the team. Great effort men and all of Stone will be proud. 

Thanks also to Pussy who, despite the domestic disaster, took time out to bring us the kit.

Next week your leader is Bin Man Garrat who will no doubt be full of the joys of Glastonbury, where he had plenty of bins to make use of and lots of ladies to ogle at.

God speed and good luck.